Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?



Firstly, apologies. I wrote a 4,000 word post whereby I poured my heart out to all my blogging buddies explaining what I had been doing over the last four years... it included the dramatic sinking of a barge on a canal somewhere near Stratford-upon-Avon; the hideous chicken incident in Kent, and the uncensored version of what really happened on 12th February 2013.
All of this led to me having to make a huge, life changing decision... unfortunately whilst trying to embed a YouTube on my iPad I lost 4,000 incisive words. I am so sorry to deprive you of the unabridged version of this tale, but the conclusion is as follows:-

I feel much better now, I have a new mattress - memory foam! We got the goat to the vet in time, she recovered and is now living comfortably in a field opposite the cricket club house.
And after all of that, I decided that I may as well stay.

69 comments:

  1. ! Oh sweet jeebus stay, I need peeps like you in my life. And I'm slowly dragging the Chef back to our climate. So you got to let me know....... :)

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    1. Mr Cheen: Mr Files has to come back... we are all slowly dragging our sorry bones back to the blogging forums... after flirting briefly with FB... which appears to be becoming more complicated by the day.
      Did Mr Files say that he wasn't returning until September? Did I read this on his blog? Or was it confidential information in a letter from his solicitor regarding maintenance payments that he owes me?
      Sx

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  2. I was worried about that goat. Nothing like getting your goat.
    Good that you are staying. Does this mean we should expect double trouble?
    Great song.

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    1. Bill: No worries, it was a Nanny and not a Billy!
      I predict double trouble and lots of teasing!
      Sx

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  3. That's not the Chef's wife's goat, is it? Well, even if it is, glad she's better and all comfy. Siobhan is probably looking for her...

    I hear you on the memory foam mattress... it's all I have slept on for the past seven years.

    Don't you have a proper computer? Those iPads are nothing but trouble, I say. ;-)

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    1. Ponita: I am on my proper computer now... although it's not much better than the iPad to be honest... it's a bit like tellies were in the olden days, i.e. it takes at least one hour to flicker into life and it only has three modes of operation... slow, very slow and shutdown.
      I need a new computer - suggestions very welcome as I am completely out of touch with desk top/laptop technology.
      Sx

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    2. Ask LX for details. But I guess nearly anything modern is an improvement.

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    3. Hopefully he will come back and tell me what to get!
      Sx

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  4. Did the goat eat the memory foam mattress?

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    1. Mr Lax: The goat eating the memory foam mattress seems like a viable plot line! I will make it so!
      Sx

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  5. Good that the goat survived Easter

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    1. Mr Nikos: Indeed! So many don't. I am seriously thinking of running a campaign to heighten awareness regarding danger to goats during the Easter period. It is truly tragic.
      Sx

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  6. Hello:

    Such traumas, but how pleased we are to know, in the absence of the 4,000 word dissertation, that all is well with you and we very much hope that that will continue to be the case. What, we wonder, is a memory foam mattress?

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    Replies
    1. The Top Hats: Memory foam mattresses are fab! Here is a helpful guide:-
      Which? Mattress Review.
      Best night's sleep ever. And they don't go saggy like older style mattresses do.
      Sx

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    2. And it's fun to press them and watch them bounce back.

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    3. MJ: Mine is firm. I like a firm resting place... I need all the support I can get!
      SX

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  7. The details of the barge sinking, the chicken incident and the truth about 13th February 2013 are probably too much for most of us mere (near?) mortals to take in one go, so maybe your subconscious deleted the four thousand words to prevent an outbreak of brain scrambling?
    I only wish my subconsciouses would be so thoughtful. They are glad you're staying, though. As am I.

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    1. Mr Devine: Yes! It has been delightful to see some old faces returning, such as yourself and Mr Swings... I have tried to prod Mr Beastie into making a comeback, but he is surgically attached to FB... I fear it is too late for him.
      Sx

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    2. Is your chicken incident related to Mr. DeVice's chicken incident?

      See his latest post for details.

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    3. MJ: Sadly not... mine was more to do with a young dog, a lot of feathers, an angry farmer and the possibility of no eggs at all.
      Sx

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  8. My most pouring-out posts are usually the ones I delete before posting, but it is nice to have the choice rather than it be imposed.

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    1. Z: To be honest, Z, I was far more inspired after my iPad had deleted the original 40 words... I seem to have been a little over enthusiastic with the zeros last night... the deletion was definitely a positive occurrence!
      Sx

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  9. I have a memory foam pillow and at first I hated it, but now I wont sleep on anything else, well unless it's firm and supportive. ;)

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    1. Mr Joey: I am not good with pillows.. they have to squash down almost to total flatness... otherwise I feel like I'm being suffocated. I have still yet to find a pillow I can get on with. I'll have a look at the memory foam ones.
      Sx

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  10. I'm sorry about the barge but huzzah for the goat. Choose life!

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    1. Mr Banish: Probably best that we gloss over the barge and the goat... not with paint, obvs, cos that would be cruel... but probably best that we don't dwell on either incident for too long for fear of dredging up painful memories.
      In my defence it appears that I have a lively mind just prior to retiring to my memory foam mattress... and I was sober. I woke up this morning slightly perplexed.
      Sx

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  11. I am very glad that you decided to stay.

    So what exactly happened on 12.II.13 ? And what will happen when the mattress looses its memory and turns amnesic ?

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    1. Mr Mags: November 2013 was a blur of packing boxes! I remember!!
      I have Googled 'What happens to memory foam mattresses when they lose their memories?' This has thrown up some interesting answers... that don't necessarily answer this question, but do answer questions that I haven't yet thought of asking... such as 'sex isn't as springy on a memory foam mattress which has led to knee injury'.
      Excuse me, Mr Mags, I have some reading to do....
      Sx

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    2. I hope my memory foam mattress doesn't remember what happened last night.

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    3. MJ: Always be careful what you download onto a mattress...
      Sx

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  12. They have hideous chickens in Kent? I shall stay away...

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    1. Mr Bene: They are aggressive and fowl!
      Sx

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  13. "...the dramatic sinking of a barge on a canal somewhere near Stratford-upon-Avon"...

    I absolutely will work this into conversation today.

    Pearl

    p.s. Glad you've decided to stay.

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    Replies
    1. Pearl: Try to get someone to talk about Shakespeare... and then it will be easy to work the conversation towards Stratford-upon-Avon... and then Bob's your uncle.
      Sx

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  14. Have you done the wine test on the memory foam mattress yet? You know, the one in the commercial where you put a wine glass full of wine (or some liquid) on the bed, then have someone jump up and down on the other side of the bed to prove that the glass won't spill over due to the memory foam's amazing ability to keep vibrations from waking up the other person when the other gets up? I always cringe when I see that part of the commercial; not because I'm afraid of the wine glass spilling and all the stains, but rather, I just think it's a terrible waste to play with wine on the bed instead of drinking it, like one should! Why waste a good nightcap?

    I don't know about the newer, more recent memory foams, but I can confirm that the one I experienced a little over five years ago definitely was not as springy or bouncy as a regular mattress during recreational partner activities. Also, it was really hot--could be because the weather was very hot that night; and it was very hard to turn and roll out of bed to make my esc--exit the next morning, as I had sunk into an indentation of the memory foam. But the newer ones I hear are much, much better. But I'll give a report once I've experienced them myself.

    All chickens are hideous. I've learned that the chicken's natural charm and stunning beauty is only revealed and best enjoyed after they've been prepped and fried to a golden delicious crisp. Mmm...fried chicken. I'm glad to hear the goat is doing well. Hopefully, he won't be as confused as I am when watching a game of cricket.

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    1. Mr Swings: Ha! It seems like your conquest had a cunning way of keeping you in place... but she fibbed... it wasn't memory foam that kept you from the exit... it was superglue and an electric blanket.
      I have never taken wine to bed... but I've taken a Scotch.
      Sx

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  15. You should've eaten the goat - can you go back and get it? Glad you're staying xxx

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    1. Lulu: I think I should have kept the goat to trim the grass and to make cheese!
      Sx

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  16. When I attempt to view The Clash: "The uploader has not made this video available in your country."

    I blame the goat.

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    1. Mr Lax: Apologies for the incompatible uploading conditions, I will make note of your complaint and forward to my customer services department... or perhaps some other customer services dept as the result will probably be similar i.e. there will be further apologies and forwarding until in seven years time the complaint returns to me by which time we will all have something new to be troubled with, such as the iPaddle 505 incompatibility issues with pBloggle Live28 - predicted to be awful and unusable in France.
      Sx

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  17. Hi Scarlet
    Saw you at Keith's and thought I'd stop by to say, "Hi"
    Wonder what the little green men made of those 4000 lost words!

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    1. Mr Bluelights: Hello and Welcome!! The little green men have probably cobbled those 4,000 words together to make a sports stadium or somesuch - green men are generally innovative.
      Bless Keith! He usually visits my other blog, which is about calligraphy and is HERE. Although both of you are very welcome here on the Blogspot.
      Sx

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    2. Only if you are as good looking and ravishing as you are in the photo !! ROFL
      btw As I am Bluelights - what characteristics have blue men?

      I used to be an ambulance man and that is where I took the name 'Bluelights' from emergency flashing lights!
      Nice to meet you and I shall visit your other blog.
      Why do they call you Dr Scarlet?
      Are you a Phd or a GP or something more exotic?

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    3. I think blue men generally need to invest in nice thermal vests from Marks and Spencer's.
      Meanwhile, Yes! I am as ravishing as my avatar... even when picking at an egg stain on my bobbly jumper....
      Ha! I think the Dr title was Mr Chairman's little joke! I am actually dimwitted though resourceful.
      Sx

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    4. You forgot the Long Johns.
      So you are a ravishing . . . . . etc etc. . . . . . and not a Phd.
      In other words - you are a dumb blonde who can do fancy writing!

      Are you from Essex by any chance?
      If so if I shone a torch into your left ear would the light shine out of through your right ear? LOL

      I did not realize you had so many physcopaths aboard this blog! I must see this Mr Chairman fellow.

      Have you considered writing a play involving all these characters and if so which part have you in mind for you and for me? . . . . and Keith? lol

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    5. Yes indeed, Mr Bluelights, we are all keen on paths and physical exercise on this blog.
      Thank you for your input and observance.
      Sx

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  18. Dear Dr Scarlet,

    I have a displaced sacroiliac that gives me no end of gyp. Will a memory foam mattress help?

    Yours hopefully,
    Chairman Bill

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    Replies
    1. Mr Chairman: The memory foam mattress may help... but all in all I prescribe plenty of bed rest and at all costs, please avoid getting pregnant.
      Sx

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  19. Yes do stay! There aren't many of us left.

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    1. Pat: Indeed, there aren't many of us left and we are patchy with our postings. I will try to improve, but I've been saying that for several years!
      Sx

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  20. Can the memory foam mattress be used with an electric blanket? I've just seen an advert on the telly about memory foam insoles for your shoes and thought to myself 'they look comfy' I sound like my mother.

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    1. Mitzi: I have also coveting items in the Scotts of Stow catalogue... the Vista Unisex Sports Beach Shoes look very comfy...
      We need MJ to save us.
      Sx

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    2. Oh. My. GAWD!!!

      A shoe intervention is required.

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    3. MJ: Best saved for my giddy aunt... but they do look comfy....
      Sx

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  21. But it must be original "Vista Unisex Sports Beach Shoes" in beige with pink parts - there's just a black dot missing and it looks like Fürst-Pückler-Eis ...

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    1. Mr Mags: Ice cream!!! The sort that drops into your lap...
      Sx

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  22. You have to watch those Kentish chickens in my experience....

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  23. I keep scrolling down and seeing if I still missed a post but no. Actually you've filled us in nicely. Next? War and Peace?

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    1. Jody: Apologies! I was having a frustrating moment trying to blog from my iPad... the iPad deleted the sensible post... so I ended up with this piece of flash fiction regarding memory foam bedding and a goat. It was late in the evening by this point and I hit the publish button and went to bed!
      Sx

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    2. I have that tunaage rolling round in my head again, gosh that was a great one from studenty days

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  24. You may have lost those amazing 4000 words - so sorry - but for me, the short version and the brilliant comments that followed have made up for my initial disappointment. You'll get over it in time. And glad you've decided to stay. The song was one my 5 yr old used to sing in my face when she'd been naughty....I have it on video and when she gets old enough, I shall share it with the world.
    Axxx

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    1. Annie: I don't think I could cope with a five year old singing a Clash song at me... I am so pleased that camcorders, video phones etc, weren't commonplace when I was a tot!
      Sx

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  25. I didn't realize you had such an active comment section. I should stop back to check on the interest discussions going on. Hey if you are still a word short of a post, I found a good one recently, "fipple". It's good to find a sounding fipple.

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  26. Hello Bill... yes, it can get lively here... I would post something, but I am in hiding... I have trolls! A bit like having a verruca really, only the pink ointment doesn't work. Exciting times!
    Sx

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    1. I'm glad I checked back for the reply. You have trolls? I have spammers. You tried spraying the trolls with pink ointment and it didn't work? I would have never thought to try that. There should be a good way to give those dirty little bastards an experience that would send them running to hide under the nearest mushroom or a bridge. I don't have any suggestions but it's been fun thinking about getting back at trolls. Well be careful near bridges and let the goat cross first.

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